my friend matthew

Oh CRAP!!! I just found that movie! I have no time to watch it since I'm leaving in like 30 min. Maybe I'll take it with me and just carry it wherever I go, so when I run across a stranger with a DVD player I can say, "Hmm, hello there. I have a proposition for you..." We'll end up watching Amelie on his/her 5 inch screen travel DVD player. Temple to temple both squeezing together for that perfect, head-on, view of the screen. Haha. I laugh because I can picture myself in the situation, and it's all for the love of this great movie. What a riddle, what a conundrum! I don't know what to do! Bye again everyone. Bye Dorie Young.

Starting tomorrow, at 5 AM, I will officially be PRACTICING being alone. I'm no longer monophobic, I'm a professional loner for the next 3 and a half weeks. Wish me luck! Good bye my good friends! You better read Naked matthew!!! If I don't get to bring it, you better be done by the time I get back! My friends better not talk any Schmidt About me!!! (HAHA! I'm so funny!!!) Anyway, goodbye to all, I'll see you in a few weeks. I probably won't post. I'll take written notes while I'm there, then when I get back, I'll efficiently translate them from Man Language to the infamous BINARY CODE we all fear-yet-love. :) Sorry if that creeps you out. One more goodbye to my wittle kitty. I'll miss you Dorie!

Today was pretty much perfect. Dorie came over after summer school and everything went so well. I feel a comfort when I'm with her that I've never felt before. It's like I've known her for years and now my feelings are pouring everywhere. I will miss you Dorie, thanks for today... WOW. It just hit me. I'm really going to miss you! No, seriously, I am!!! Ok, I'm going to go crazy now... See y'all later.

So as you may have heard, I had quite a scare yesterday. I was hangin' out at Dorie's when this pain began to accumulate. In my man parts region. So I called Gregory about it and he told me some stuff to look up online. I researched all this different stuff that could go wrong and pretty much scared myself really bad. I finally called a good family friend, Dr. Booker. He told me to chill for the evening and see how the pain was in the morning. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not going to lose any body parts, but the pain is still there. It's a little more subtle now. Anyway, I think I'm going to be fine. I talked to Linda Riggs about it because she has experience with that specific problem. All I'm worried about now is flying with this weird pain in my groin. So I dunno, I'm sure they'll have a hospital around YellowStone or wherever we're going. I dunno. I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who gave me support through my scary time. :)

Hey, I'm no doctor, but lately I'd say that I have a sever case of monophobia.

mon·o·pho·bi·a n. An abnormal fear of being alone.

Well, I'm pretty sure. Like I haven't been doing too many things with friends lately. I think I might be tripping out because of it as well. Then Yellow Stone won't help that situation at all. I don’t know what to do, but whining is probably not the answer. I guess the bottom line is that I am scared of being alone. I'm not lonely, but I hate being alone. I don’t know. I seriously think I might go crazy... Huh... We'll see...

So I just got back from the Orthodontist's office. Yeah, they put some unexpected thing-a-ma-jig in my mouth. So far, I can't say my "G" or "K" sounds. I feel like a little kid, learning to talk again. Sadness pours over me, once again.

I think I've cleared most of this up. Well I feel as though I need to explain that to the rest of you. I am a caring person, and until recently, I thought that was evident. It took 4 people telling me the same thing to realize what's going on here. I care, but don't show it. Well not in the normal way at least. I think I show my care for someone through conversation mostly, and secondly by actually talking to them. There are a lot of situations where I just won't talk to you unless I care about you... Sounds bad, but that's just the way I am. So that's me, and I'm still figuring me out. The new version 3.0 will be out in August.

I was wondering if it would be humorous to make a list of all the people who are mad at me. I don't think I will. I would only be digging my hole deeper. Well anyway, I leave soon for Yellow Stone and I'll be out of everyone's hair. I'm officially a hermit and plan on going to hermit school in the fall. After college, I'll move to a mountain and start my career as Joshua Perry, Professional Hermit. But that's way off in the future. For now, I'll probably just struggle with maintaining my few friendships for a while. Then when I've botched those as well, the social world (as we know it) will be rid of Joshua Perry - That grumpy guy who never lived up to anything!

Today will be a long day of preparation. My parents are leaving tomorrow for YellowStone. I won't join them 'till Friday, but all the packing needs to be done tonight. We're loading the new trailor with all the crap we need. I'm also supposed to finish my eagle binder today (or no bike). I'm also helping out at an Eagle Court of Honor at 3. So all this stuff has been stuffed into one day. Which sucks, and also means that I have no time to post. Not even now, so... Bye... I'm depressed, send me a nice email! eatsnowitswater@hotmail.com

I don't matter. I'm a puppet. I'm whatever you want me to be. Unless you grab my balls underwater...

Three water polo games today, and four yesterday. I'm tired. But the thing is, we haven't played our three today. We're about to take off and

Slipping into "hermit" state-of-mind.... Can't resist... Ugh... Rrrgh... Help... ME!!!

Wow, it's amazingly late, or early. We just got back from Carlee Ann's, we watched Nurse Betty. My day would have probably been better if I wasn't so tired right now. So I can barely keep my eyes open and once they shut they'll stay shut for quite a while. What the heck am I talking about? Ummmm, night...

What a horrible day. I have a headache. I've really got that hermit feeling and it's getting worse. Make me happy Dorie... :(

I honestly feel like a fool and this feeling won't go away for a long time, I can tell. I've done something stupid and will feel the effects of it today. Sorry I can be so monotonous and lame. I feel like I've taken a step back in this process. Wow, maybe I'm just destined to be a hermit... (Oh yeah, I really did have to wash the car at 530am)

Nonsense... That's what you get when you want to talk until 2AM. You brought it upon yourself! Haha, nm. I'm soooo funny. But yeah, I can take a hint, I know when someone's trying to get rid of me. All I can do now is sit here and smell this bottle of Vanilla Lace until 5:30. Because that's the time I'll need to "get up" to wash the car before school. What madness!?! Exactly. (sorry, I'm really out of it)

Fairies have freckles
and so do you
That means you're
a FAIRY TOOOO

Oh man, only an hour and a half left of summer school. I can't wait to go home. My dad had surgery on Sunday and can't really lift anything and he's walking at about the speed of an old man. So Matthew and I helped him with a bunch of stuff yesterday. You never realize how much one does for you until you step into their shoes. Well, we're having a Boy Scout swim party tonight and boy am I excited! Haha. Anyway, I'll probably post when I get home.

I'm feelin' good about today. I do believe that today will be pretty good. I can't wait for today to start. Oh man, what about today!?! Yeah... Today...

OK. I'm honestly done with fighting all together. If someone has a problem with me, that's cool. We can work it out. But no more fighting (of any kind) for Joshua. And yes people, I will recognize your requests. I may not do exactly what someone wants, mostly because there are things I (as in me) want to do. Anyway, this is obviously a depressing and frustrated post. C'mon people, I need to be happy if you want some good shizzle up here. Actually, I think I'm pretty darn happy. Don't worry about it. It's been a long time, hasn't it...? A long time and people need to move on. Don't ya think?

"Nothin's gonna change my world" - The Beatles

I'm still under watch by the supreme ruler. It's cool. I'll get over it; they'll get over it. Everything will chill out. I think that nothing should be able to change my world, I first have to set it up before I can defend it.

I don't know if I've posted on this subject before but it really angers me so here it goes again. I believe that Alexandra Kleeman's, technicolor.org, has been shut down by some outside force. I don't know if it will be re-established but I hope it will. If not, it's been a great loss to the community of blogs everywhere. Alexandra's site was full of "short stories" and blurps on anything imaginable. I really hope you come back Alex. I miss your witty entries. I respect you as a writer and a role model to all new bloggers out there. I stole some of my first html from you. I don't think you'll ever read this but never the less, if technicolor.org is dead; this is my tribute to you.

Seriously. What a nice day. I feel my confidence feeing. Maybe it's cuz I had no more than 10 min to get ready this morning. I love friends. Sometimes it seems as though you might be losing them. Then your REAL one's come around. I'm still waiting for a few. I'll wait for as long as it takes. T.D.C.N. rocks my world. I make people sad by not posting. That's reassuring.

This weekend might be the best weekend I've had since last summer.

Today's been great! Matthew and I met some friends and drove down to Pismo. We walked around the town and rolled in the sand for 5 hours. I think we're gonna go to a movie later. Dude, what a great weekend!

Ok, so Matthew didn't get me out in the water until like 3 or 4. Haha. We went surfing over in Cayucos but the waves sucked and the rocks sucked even harder. I think we're gonna go surfing today, and maybe take a trip to Cayucos again. Wow, would that be fun!?!

Wow. I think James is mad at me. I don’t know what I've done so differently to piss you off but please tell me. Tell me how I've changed so I can change back and we can be friends again. Show me how I've strayed from you.

We're here now. Matthew's got hardcore jetlag, he conked out at like 7. I feel for him. I hope this weekend is really relaxing for him. (Short sentences) Anyway, we'll probably get up tomorrow morning and Matthew will try and get me to go surfing at like 8 or 9. I won't agree and we'll sit around till like 930, then we'll get out there. Then when we come back in we'll be really tired and probably nap 'till a ripe time around noon. Then just sit around and goof off with my little cousins. Yeah, this should be fun.

Matthew's home! Yay, we're leaving for the beach right now! I'll update when I get there. Probably edit this gay post! laters

Did I ever tell you guys that I'm like one of the sexiest guys I've ever seen? Yeah, I did? Ok, so tell me this: how's that going to help me in the business world?

I'M FREE!!- the Who

Today I learned that Dorie doesn't like altering HTML code as much as I, but that's ok. I can learn to deal with people's differences. Haha, just kidding DorieSchmorie. I'm going to sleep y'all! Have a great dream or something. Down with MENSA and censorship and control! (your dad still doesn't like me)

I do believe that all but one of you would agree that I should be able to post anything I would like to on my own blog. Down with censorship and control.

Thank you for the bracelet Dorie. It works wonders. All my worries go straight down my left arm and off my back. I guess I just feel bad for those itsy-bitsy people. They must have a hard time with my big worries. Well, one already took off. I guess that if it becomes too much for them, the rest will leave as well. That's ok though, I can't blame them.

Gooood morning VietNam!!! Yeah, it's early but this is about the time I have to wake up if I want to get ready in time for school. I think I might even take a shower. (gasp!) So my hermit idea is still lingering but some friends have helped rid my mind of it. I think this will be a good day. Fa-la-la-low you, I will, so let's get moovin!

It's your decision. No friend I've ever had has tried to rid me like that. I really feel that “desert island” feeling coming back, but this time I’m by myself. I think I need to be alone for a while. I’m the one person who does need shelter from the sun.

I really need to do something better with my time because my blog is just so addictive. (What is this, number 4 for today?) Well I know for a fact that there are only like 3 or 4 people who "view" my site but man, I really love talking to the world. It's an even better feeling to know that they can't snap back at you with their remarks and you end up feeling all the more powerful. You like the picture I added at the beginning of every blog? I thought it was a spunky thing to do. It was also a challenge to arrange the code just right. Anyhow, I'm off to scuba class (yep it's Tuesday) I'll talk to y'all later.

I'm in school right now. We just got back from break. I was having a pretty grumpy day at first but I'm feeling a lot better now. I love it when you're around someone and you get that unconditional smile on your face. I don't even know how to explain it but it's awesome.

Quick Speculation: most of the shirts I wear are red and Alex's site is down.

I took a shower last night! Yay! Many know how big of an accomplishement that is for me. I've been taking them more frequently, like every two days or so. I'll be the first to say I'm not afraid to save water, which in turn will save the whales, which in turn will save their babies and so on. Well anyway, here's my depressing little comment at the end: Happiness is somewhere. I believe that when you're all done worrying about others and you can focus on yourself, you'll find happiness. I think I've found a little -smile-