my friend matthew

Most people think witches are a convent of lesbians dancing naked in the forest, celebrating the semen stolen from imprisoned hypnotised males, which they then use to inseminate one another using turkey basters in order to create a legion of demon babies... Well that's only part of it, we are also active in community outreach programs. People in this town just like us, cuz they misunderstand us. But it's all laid out clearly in the words we chant over our victims;

"By'd the Wicken laws ye must, ropes that bind and dagger thrust. Never turn your back and never trust, but ever dread our demon lust. What ye sent forth come back to thee, fire and fang and fear times three. Torment awaits your treachery, while we scream with mirthless glee."

And that's pretty much where we're comin' from.